Most of us have faced hard choices at some point in our lives. Do I take that new job for a better salary, even though it’s going to mean a longer commute? Do I end this toxic relationship, knowing that means I’ll have to deal with the emotional fallout? We each have our own list of hard choices, but they tend to have one thing in common: they represent turning points. They require us to move forward in a specific direction, once a decision has been made.
But that’s why I think the most difficult choices we make are actually the small ones–the daily decisions that shape the lives we’re living. Small choices are hard precisely because they’re less definitive. There’s no way of knowing what difference they’ll make, if any. And there are dozens of ways to make them.
They’re like tiny pebbles tossed into calm waters. It’s easy to ask yourself Why make waves? Everything’s okay right now. When those waves will be so small that no one else is likely to notice them, the choice to make a change becomes even more difficult.
But sometimes, the fact is that the calm surface of your life is actually hiding dangerous undercurrents.
This past semester, for instance, I found myself forgetting things right and left. I didn’t post assignments when I said I would. I forgot to return students’ papers after I’d graded them–or I forgot that I had papers I needed to grade. Twice, I forgot to show up for meetings that were on my calendar.
Under normal circumstances, I’m the person who’s five minutes early for everything. Missing a meeting altogether? That just doesn’t happen.
And yet it did. Twice.
On the surface, my life always looks pretty put together. I’m organized. Always prepared. I (generally) show up where I’m supposed to be. But, obviously, something is going on under the seemingly calm surface. I’m still not sure what it is. All I know for sure is that I need to deal with it.
It’s tempting to just write off the past few months as a bad semester and assume things will improve on their own, especially now that summer break is on the horizon. But I think it’s important to resist the temptation to wipe the slate clean, where the past is concerned–that’s just an invitation to repeat mistakes. It’s true that we can’t change the past, but it’s also true that we have to be willing to learn whatever it can teach us. At least, we have to do that if we want something different from the future.
So I’m not going to beat myself up about this horrible semester–but I am going to listen to what it was telling me. The way I’m living my life right now clearly isn’t working. Ignoring that will just allow the chaos to continue. I’ll have to make some hard decisions about what I’m willing to change.
One small change I know I’ll have to make involves my cell phone habits, which have cut into my life in various ways. I don’t know what form that change will take yet–Google “cell phone detox” and you’ll see there are dozens of ways to approach this problem. All I know right now is that it has to happen.
You might be thinking to yourself, That’s not a small change–that’s huge! And in terms of its potential impact on my life, you’re right. But in terms of the effort it requires? Not so much. It’s just a matter of leaving my phone in another room. Or turning it off. Or changing the notification settings for apps that demand my attention. Any number of small decisions could make a big difference in my daily life. I’ll just have to figure out which choices I’m willing to make.
Another small, but intimately related change I know I’m facing: I need to spend less time on the Internet. It creates all kinds of negative energy that serves no useful purpose. I participate in arguments I don’t really care about, and I get worked up over things I wouldn’t have thought twice about, had I not first read the article (or tweet, or Facebook post) that got me involved. Or I learn things I don’t need to know about my friends and colleagues. None of this helps me create a more manageable life–so it has to change. Using my time to focus on things that bring positive energy into my life feels like a good first step.
Which things? I’ll have to make some choices about that.
Making these two choices alone will require that I redirect my attention, over and over, every single day. That won’t be easy–creating new habits never happens without some conscious effort. But it’s a change with a potentially enormous payoff, so I’m going to give it a shot.
However I decide to move forward from here, I’ll be doing it by making small decisions and seeing where they take me. I’m not at a turning point, exactly, but I’m still headed in a new direction.
Are you facing one of these small but difficult choices? Leave a comment below–let me cheer you on!
No Comments