A Year in the Life of She Dwells in Possibility

One year ago–on July 31st, to be exact–I sent out a Facebook message to my friends and family, announcing the birth of She Dwells in Possibility. This entire year has been a learning experience for me–which means it’s been the perfect example of what She Dwells is all about.

I hadn’t planned on starting a new blog. I had, in fact, planned to renew my focus on the food blog I’d been writing for many years. But life has a way of pushing us in directions we aren’t willing to go on our own. In my case, that push came in the form of my mother’s sudden death in May of last year. She’d been in failing health for several years, but the end arrived when she took a hard fall, both breaking and dislocating her hip.

She was so weak that surviving the surgery to repair the break was unlikely, her doctor explained. It would be hard to find a surgeon who’d even agree to do it. If she did survive the operation, she was still too weak for rehab–and the early stages of dementia made her cooperation with that schedule unlikely anyway. In the best case scenario, after a painful surgery and eight weeks of staying motionless in bed–which carries its own risks, especially for the elderly–she’d spend whatever was left of her life confined to a wheelchair or a bed.

My brother, sister and I made the hard decision to go with what’s called “comfort care.” That’s a euphemism for keeping someone pain-free and giving her what she wants whenever she asks for it, but letting her die. I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do for her. Still, I hope you never have to do it.

Out of all the grief and guilt I was feeling last year, She Dwells was born. If you read the About page for this blog, you’ll see that the title is both an homage and a resistance to my mom’s philosophy of life. That’s the only way I could move forward: by honoring her memory while resisting a piece of her legacy. I’m grateful to the poet Emily Dickinson, one of my literary heroines, for giving me the words to do that.

I’ve learned so much from She Dwells. When I started my food blog, I hired a web designer–so I had no idea how to set up a web hosting account, a WordPress account, or install a theme.  I had no idea how to customize that theme once I’d purchased and installed it. Over the course of a few weeks, I taught myself what I needed to know about all of those things. And they weren’t terribly difficult, in case you’re thinking of starting a blog of your own. More than anything else, they required confidence in my ability to learn through trial and error. I hate being wrong, but this past year has taught me that a willingness to make mistakes is crucial. Once in a while, it helps you see exactly what you don’t want to do.

I also had very little sense of how to use social media when I started She Dwells. That really surprised me. I’d set up a Facebook page for my food blog, used Pinterest to showcase recipes, gone to blogging conferences and learned some things about SEO and Internet traffic. I thought I had a pretty good handle on how to use social media as a blogger.

As it turns out, what works for food blogs doesn’t work for a blog like this one. So I learned about apps that could help me out with social media. I figured out when I need to be posting on Twitter, and how often. (And hey, by the way–follow me on Twitter!)

Obviously, I’ve also learned about inviting people to follow me on Twitter (and Facebook! And Pinterest!) That was one of the hardest things for me, since it meant unlearning the self-effacing manner I was taught to put forward.

But self-effacing means self-erasing. And why should any of us do that? The world does a pretty good job of making women feel like nothing. I don’t think it needs our help.

That’s the best thing I’ve learned from writing She Dwells: there’s a whole world full of supportive women out there. From kind comments to personal messages to guest posts, I’ve received so much from people who don’t even know me. That generosity of spirit is just overwhelming.

My hope, when I sent She Dwells off into the virtual world, was that it would reveal itself to the women who needed to see it. She Dwells is my attempt to create a space where women can learn that anything is possible. The simple fact that it’s here is evidence of this.

Had you told me 18 months ago that I’d be starting a new blog from scratch, I would have scoffed. “I am not a computer person,” I would have said. “No way I’ll be starting a blog from scratch in this lifetime.”

But here it is, and here I am. And I’m so grateful you’re here, too.