10 Things To Enjoy By Yourself

Did you take the She Dwells 28 Days of Independence challenge? (Even if you didn’t, you can start right now!) One of the most difficult parts of this challenge, for many women, is spending time alone.

These weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day can be rough if you don’t happen to be in a romantic relationship. The implicit suggestion is that if you’re on your own, you’re lacking in some way. Incomplete. Missing out on all the fun being had by those people in pairs.

But here’s a simple truth: having a partner in your life isn’t going to erase the feeling that something is missing if what’s missing is within yourself. Maybe all you lack is the ability to enjoy the good company you generously share with others. Why not share a little bit of that company with yourself?

I confess, I love being alone. I loved it before I was married–that’s part of the reason why I’d written off the idea of finding a romantic partner before Mike came along. And I love it even more now that my kids are grown. Time on my own feels like this huge reward I earned via years of chauffeur and chaperon duty.

But even if you’re not crazy about the idea of spending time with yourself, consider going solo on one of these activities:

1. Go to the movies.

One of the best afternoons I ever spent alone happened during a very hot summer, in a cold movie theater, eating a bag of popcorn and watching Twister. The fact that this movie was released in 1996 and I still remember that experience tells you just how enjoyable it was.

And who will even notice that you’re alone, once the movie starts? See the film you want to see. Eat a big bucket of popcorn all by yourself.

2. Get some ice cream.

I don’t know about you, but I eat differently when I’m with other people. On my own, I eat what I want.

Two scoops. Yes to the sprinkles. Yes to everything.

3. Binge watch a TV series.

If you have a whole day to yourself, you can knock out a whole season of something on Netflix. You don’t have to be embarrassed by your choice. You don’t have to worry about whether it’s what everyone else is watching.

Bonus: you don’t even have to get dressed. And you can break out the wine whenever you want. There’s no law against day-drinking.

4. Go out to lunch.

In my teenage years, one of my favorite things to do was take the bus downtown on my own, do a little shopping, and take myself out to lunch at the fancy tea room in a local department store. I almost always ordered something called Princess Cheese Soup, which was served in a bread bowl. It made me feel very sophisticated and grown up to be alone.

A few years ago, I saw a fellow mom from my neighborhood having lunch by herself at a local Thai restaurant. My first thought was I knew I liked that woman.

5. Take a trip.

If there’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, at least start planning the trip. It doesn’t cost a thing to dream. And you don’t need to wait for a companion to give you the go-ahead.

Personally, I love solo travel. The last time I was in London, I spent a whole day wandering around the South Bank—I went to an exhibit at the Tate Modern, toured the Globe Theater, meandered through the Borough Market. I spent exactly as much time at each place as I wanted. No companion’s itinerary was squeezing mine into one corner of the day.

6. Go to a big bookstore and browse.

If you’re not a reader, this one probably won’t be your cup of tea. But if you are–oh my. A whole day alone in a bookstore is pretty much my version of heaven. Coffee (or tea), a cushy chair, no one to rush me . . . bliss.

And as a former bookstore employee, let me assure you that we know a lot of people aren’t going to buy the books they’re reading. Just don’t damage them, please. Watch that coffee.

7. Plan a project.

Sketch out a design for a garden. Choose a crochet pattern for a friend’s birthday gift, then shop for yarn. Decide what color to paint your bedroom. Figure out what change of linens that would require.

Whether you actually purchase supplies and complete this project is optional–I find the planning phase to be great fun (and much less work.) You don’t need anyone to agree with your ideas. You don’t have to worry about a budget. Just plan.

8. Take a long walk.

Good for the heart, good for the soul.

If you live near a hiking trail, a park, a botanical garden, or anyplace that offers beautiful scenery, so much the better. Take a few pictures while you’re there. Engage with the world and you won’t feel lonely, because you won’t be alone.

9. Take a class.

What would you like to learn about–cooking? Photography? Want to learn another language, in preparation for that trip you’re planning?

Even if your interest isn’t shared by your partner or friends, you don’t have to miss out. And many free apps, like Duolingo, will let you learn without even leaving home.

10. Go to the gym.

My daughter and I joined a gym and planned to be workout buddies–but we quickly discovered that we have different workout styles. So I started hitting the gym on my own.

When I’m in the zone, I want to stay there as long as I can. Working out by myself lets me decide when enough is enough.

 

Being by yourself is not a problem that needs to be solved–it’s a gift to be treasured. Let’s pledge to help each other remember that. (Be sure to follow the She Dwells Facebook page to connect with others who are taking this month’s challenge!)