This Is What High-Functioning Anxiety Looks Like

Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only. If you’re struggling with anxiety, seek the help of a qualified medical professional. 

 

Depression and anxiety run in my family. My mom struggled with them for years before she was treated appropriately. That’s partly due to our very recent understanding of depression and anxiety as treatable illnesses. But it’s also due to the fact that we live in a culture which prizes strength and regards mental illness as weakness. Those who need help are sometimes ashamed to seek it out.

While my kids were growing up, I kept an eye out for the signs of depression and anxiety. As they got older, I made sure they understood that these illnesses run in our family, just like diabetes and heart disease. Armed with that knowledge, they’ve been able to manage their own mental health care in their adulthood.

I deal with what’s generally called high-functioning anxiety. People who fall into this category are on the borderline between needing medication to manage their symptoms and being able to use other strategies. Thus far, I’ve been able to manage my anxiety without medication. I know that might not always be the case–my mom’s anxiety kicked into overdrive later in life. But for now, I know what high-functioning anxiety looks like and how to work through it.

Many people are surprised when they learn that this is something I struggle with, but the signs are pretty clear.

I’m always worried.

I worry a lot about losing my job. A bad day of class can send me into a serious tailspin, in spite of the fact that I know everyone has bad days.

I worry about my kids, even though they’re both adults now.

I worry about commuting in city traffic, about my husband’s commute in city traffic, that weird little pain in my chest, finding time to do all the things I need to get done this week.

Etc.

I’m always on time.

Actually, I’m always early. I used to attribute this being raised by an Army officer. Mostly, though, I think the fear of messing up is what has me sitting in a meeting room (or in my car, outside the office where I have an appointment) 10 minutes early. I’ve tried making myself leave later, but that only results in anxiously watching the clock, then rushing to make sure I get where I’m going on time. If I leave early, at least I can relax for a few minutes after I’ve arrived.

You may be asking yourself What’s the worst thing that could happen if you’re late? That is a perfectly rational question. Unfortunately, anxiety and rationality are not on speaking terms.

I automatically compartmentalize my feelings.

In one week, several years ago, I dealt with three major life events: I had an accident in which my car was a total loss, I flew home to be with my family while my father had quintuple bypass surgery, and the university where my husband teaches was largely destroyed by fire. (At the time, we feared that would mean the loss of his job.)

When I showed up at work a few days later, people were stunned. I didn’t understand why. It was the end of the spring semester. I had papers to grade, graduation to attend, year-end meetings to prepare for–my personal drama didn’t change any of that.

One of the things high-functioning anxiety teaches you is how to compartmentalize your feelings in order to do what needs to be done. I often tell myself You can melt down later. (Spoiler alert: I rarely do. It seems there’s always something that needs to be done.)

I struggle with balance.

Because I’m an introvert, I worry about being a good friend. Still, I turn down social invitations more often than not, because being alone is how I recharge my battery. And then I get hurt when people don’t invite me to social gatherings, even though I know this is often an act of kindness on their part.

I also worry about missing out on professional opportunities. I rarely turn them down. I want to be viewed as an integral part of the professional team. Knowing I’m seen this way helps me manage my (unfounded) concerns about losing my job.

Not surprisingly, then, my professional life consumes much of my energy. This makes saying yes to social interactions even more difficult.

 

Given the wide array of its manifestations, then, how do I manage my anxiety without medication?

• Meditation helps a lot. The Calm app has been a useful guide. I try to spend at least five minutes in mindful meditation every day, and I take short breaks to re-center myself as necessary. A minute of focused breathing can work wonders.
• Exercise helps, too–research shows that, for some people, it’s as effective as medication. I know I can feel the difference in my anxiety level when I’m not exercising regularly, so I try to make it a priority.
• Minimizing sugar and caffeine also makes a big difference. I try to stay away from caffeinated drinks other than coffee in the morning. Giving up soda was a challenge, but I don’t even miss it anymore–when I need something bubbly, sparkling water does the trick.
• Finally, maintaining a regular routine helps me feel in control. I try to go to bed, wake up, and eat meals at the same times every day. And I break my routine only when absolutely necessary.

As long as I feel like I have the upper hand in my relationship with anxiety, I plan to use the strategies that have worked for me so far. But the moment I feel like that balance has shifted, I’ll be taking advantage of the medications that have saved the lives of many people I love.

There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.