A few weeks ago, I came across an article by Dr. David Sack, which details 16 Things to Do Now to Make 2016 Your Best Year Ever. Let me just say right up front that I’m always skeptical of anything that promises to offer or create “your best self” or “your best year ever.” That’s the kind of phrasing that preys on desperate people who are often stuck in situations beyond their control. It’s unfair at best and cruel at worst.
But once I read Dr. Sack’s article, I realized that many of his suggestions make a lot of sense–and they’re geared toward helping readers figure out how to improve their potential, not uncover the secret to a perfect life.
The first suggestion, for instance–“Work on coming to terms with discomfort”–is excellent advice. We live in a culture that teaches us to view unhappiness as a sign of big trouble: a failing marriage, a troubled kid, a less-than-fulfilling career path. But it’s possible that our moments of discomfort in life are just that: individual moments, not connected to any pattern that constitutes a larger problem. Dr. Sacks points out that “research shows us people consistently overestimate how long they’ll be cast down by a negative event,” and I can certainly think of times when I’ve been guilty of overestimating the importance of a situation that made me unhappy. (I was particularly guilty of this where my kids were concerned.) So perhaps, this year, I’ll try harder to remember that difficult moments often pass as quickly as they arise. They might not need as much attention as I’m giving them.
Another good piece of advice: “Stop complaining and start being grateful.” I’m happy to say that I already have a handle on this one, thanks to the Gratitude Journal app. Every evening, I’m prompted by the question What are you grateful for? Some days, I confess, it’s hard to come up with an answer. But every single day for the past year and a half, I’ve come up with something. Keeping a focus on gratitude really does help me remember, as Dr. Sack points out, that it’s more difficult to see the good things around us than the bad things. That doesn’t mean the bad things are more numerous, or that they aren’t real and difficult; it just means we have to make an effort to look beyond them and remember that good things are always around us as well.
Some of Dr. Sack’s suggestions just don’t apply to me–like “Quit waiting for someone to rescue you.” That’s not something I’ve done since I was a much younger person. It’s excellent advice, though, for anyone who feels stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for the right partner to come along. While partnership is a very important part of my life, and my marriage to Mike has shaped that life in important ways, I had pretty much decided that marriage wasn’t in the cards for me before I met him–I was already on the road to a career as a writer and professor when our relationship fell into place. And the only reason that relationship moved forward was that I didn’t have to choose between the things that were important to me: it wasn’t a matter of either/or. From the beginning, it was both/and. I didn’t need anyone to complete me; I needed someone who was ready to enjoy the journey with me.
The one piece of advice that I’m going to be focused on from Dr. Sack’s article is #7 on his list: “Reclaim your mind.” In the last year or so, I’ve tried (without a great deal of success) to practice mindful meditation: I’ve been using the Stop, Breathe & Think app to bring my thoughts to the present moment, let go of past mistakes and direct my focus away from worries about the future. I don’t do this often enough, though; I’m a worrier by nature, so living in the moment does not come naturally to me. But I know in my heart that worry doesn’t accomplish anything, and I also know that reliving past mistakes doesn’t do me a bit of good. So, since my word for the year is authentic, I’m going to do my best to dwell in the present–the authentic moment in which I’m living this life–rather than wasting the moment on worry and regret. For the next few weeks, that means making time for meditation and reclaiming my mind.
What about you? Which piece of advice from Dr. Sack’s article resonates most loudly, and how will you go about making a change for the better in this new year?
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