As we head into the second weekend of the official holiday season, you might find yourself thinking about all the people for whom you’ll be buying holiday presents. Gift-giving can be overwhelming when it includes not only your family, but also friends, co-workers, and assorted others. There are various levels of intimacy involved with gifts, too: sometimes you need something for a gift exchange that could make just about anyone happy, and sometimes you need something more specific.
This post is going to focus on that second category, which I find much more difficult. (When it comes to generic gifts for exchange, some sort of food is my go-to option. It’s impersonal and gender-neutral, but still delicious.) I think of myself as a warm and loving person, but I’m not extroverted and I’m definitely not a social hugger. That means it’s sometimes difficult to let the people I care about know how important they are to me. But I try to think of great gifts as falling into one of the following five categories.
Something that says I know you. These gifts can be very small: a package of interesting seeds for your friend who’s a gardener, a unique spice or extract for your friend who likes to cook. If you travel, picking up unusual but shelf-stable food items for those who like to cook is a great idea. My daughter studied abroad one summer and brought me back packages of interesting spice mixes from a market in Istanbul.
Something that says I see you. How is this different from I know you? I think there’s a different between knowing what someone likes to do–being aware of their hobbies and interests–and seeing how they live their lives. For instance, when I was twelve, my parents bought me an electric typewriter for Christmas. I hadn’t asked for it, but the gift told me that they’d noticed how many hours I devoted to pounding out stories on my dad’s ancient Underwood typewriter, and they’d seen the little bruises it created on my fingertips. The fact that I still remember that gift tells you how important it is to know you’re seen.
Something that says I’m here for you. Gifts of support can take many forms. If you know a family member has been going through a hard time, then a gift certificate for a massage or pedicure might say that you want them to feel better. If a friend (or their spouse) has lost a job recently, a gift card for the grocery store is a great way of letting them know you’ll be there to help until things get better. Gifts that fall into this category don’t have to cost a thing, either: an offer of free child care can be a godsend, especially for single parents who have very little access to time alone. Being there is much harder than it sounds, which is why the gift of your presence is so valuable.
Something that says I want to make you happy. When I was in college, I went through a period where I had a penchant for red Tootsie Pops. Don’t ask me why, because I have no idea. But one evening, on a picnic date with a man I was just getting to know, he asked me to pull two champagne glasses out of the picnic basket he’d packed for us–and inside one of them was a red Tootsie Pop. I probably don’t have to tell you how many points that earned him. Small gifts that show up solely for the purpose of pleasing the person who receives them are, in my estimation, the best of all. (That’s one of the reasons I’m not big on “official” gift-giving days, but that’s a topic for another post.)
Something that says I love you. All the gifts I remember best fall into this category–and by now, it’s probably clear that many of these categories overlap with each other sometimes. An I love you gift tends to be a little more expensive, though it certainly doesn’t have to be; it also tends to be more intimate and personal than others. One of the best I love you gifts I ever received came from my husband on our first Valentine’s Day. He bought me a framed print of Robert Doisneau’s famous photograph Le Baiser de l’Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950. That’s not a print I would have wanted to buy for myself, or to have received from anyone other than the person with whom I was deeply in love, which made it the perfect I love you gift.
There have been many others along the way, of course–but after 27 years together, I’m happy to say that holiday gifts are not as important as they once were. The only important thing about those gifts is what they say to the people who receive them.
Do you have a story about a great gift? Share it in the comments!
No Comments