Five for Friday, August 5: Jumping the Pumpkin Edition

We’re just barely into August this week, right? We’re not even through the first full week. But I’ll give you three guesses as to what I saw at World Market yesterday.

You don’t even need three guesses, do you.

I saw pumpkin everything.

Pumpkin spice coffee and creamer. Pumpkin bread mix. Pumpkin chotchkes. The first day of fall is still nearly two months away, and already with the pumpkins.

Look, I love autumn. It’s my favorite season. It makes me sad that I live in a part of Texas where we have no fall to speak of. (The leaves on deciduous trees here don’t so much turn as just give up and die.) And I really do love pumpkin everything, including pumpkins themselves. Just the sight of them makes me happy.

But not in August. Especially not in the first week of August.

So forget about jumping the shark. Today’s Five for Friday is devoted to those “jumping the pumpkin” moments that take all the fun out of the season at hand.

1. School Supplies in July

All right, I’ll admit it: I was that weird kid who looked forward to going back to school. Summer at my house was a long, boring slog toward the time when I could see my friends on a regular basis and have something to do with myself all day. (I was a 70’s kid; my parents were not invested in making sure the summer months were enriching. They cared that I was alive and accounted for. The End.) Once I had kids of my own, I worked hard to make their summer break enjoyable. I wanted them to think of it as a magical time filled with fun and possibility. Providing kids with a grim reminder of early wake-up calls six weeks before school actually starts doesn’t do much to help a mom make summertime special.

2. Fall Fashions in August

In my part of Texas, it won’t be cool enough to even think about a sweater until November. Where I grew up, in Idaho, fall rolls around several week earlier than that. But still–bulky sweaters and corduroy pants aren’t going to be useful to most people in the contiguous United States for months. Just looking at them right now makes me sweat. How about we wait until late September, at least? Once the school year is in full swing, it seems somewhat reasonable to look ahead to the colder months.

3. Christmas trees (and carols) in September

I get that retailers need to make money. I get that crafty people shop for gift-making supplies early in the year. Neither of those things justifies turning Hobby Lobby into a winter wonderland in September. (I’ll just confess that I have stopped shopping at Hobby Lobby altogether, for this and other reasons.) If I hear Christmas carols playing in the background, I’m going to avoid your store until at least late November–at which point I may be in the habit of going elsewhere for what I need.

4. Halloween overload and the erasure of Thanksgiving

My son is actually the person who pointed this out to me: while stores are all too happy to stock an entire section with Halloween candy and costumes and decorations starting in September, Thanksgiving decor tends to be relegated to one tiny section of shelving that appears only in November. It’s almost as if retailers are worried that, once Halloween is over, people are burned out on the whole idea of fall. (Strange that they don’t worry about this happening when they start the fall retail season in August.) How ironic that the U.S. holiday devoted to being grateful for the bounty of our blessings is the one that gets minimized. Well, ironic or sad. Maybe both.

5. Valentine’s Day on December 26th

The very moment Christmas is over and all the leftover wrapping paper has gone on sale, you’ll find at least one aisle full of Valentine’s Day candy on sale. The cards are not too far behind. This in spite of the fact that everyone knows Valentine’s Day gifts are purchased on the evening of February 13th or the morning/afternoon of February 14th. What other explanation is there for the tsunami of mass-produced stuffed bears hugging I LOVE YOU hearts? They’re cheap, easy to grab in the five minutes devoted to Valentine’s shopping, and they get the message across. Literally.

The next time you find yourself accosted by the too-early-appearance of some seasonal item, just do what I did at World Market yesterday: turn around and walk away. Remind yourself that the sun is broiling hot. The cold drinks are plentiful. It’s still summer, no matter what the pumpkins want us to believe.