As we wrap up this week before Easter, I’ve had the chance to see both of my children–one of them for a few hours, the other for the entirety of his Easter break from college. Last week, since it was Spring Break at both my university and my kids’, we had even more time to hang out together.
All of which is a long way of saying that, over the past two weeks, I’ve had the chance to enjoy the company of my adult children in a way I couldn’t when they were actually children. I still worry about them, of course–I probably always will. But I know I can trust them to watch out for themselves these days. More importantly, I know I should–they’re grownups now. And this knowledge is its own kind of pleasure.
So this week’s Five for Friday is devoted to the delights of having children over the age of 18. In no particular order:
1. Movies. I no longer have to worry about age-appropriate content in the movies we watch together, or the messages those movies are imparting on impressionable young minds. If my kids want to see it, and I want to see it, we’re good to go. Doesn’t matter whether the movie is Kung Fu Panda 3 or a rerun of Alien on TV–movies are just fun again, as they were when I was younger.
2. Going out to dinner. This week, I took my daughter out to our favorite Thai restaurant to thank her for driving her brother home for the Easter break. Even though she had to turn around and drive back to her apartment, given her work schedule and other responsibilities, she was willing to save us the 2-hour round-trip drive in exchange for a tank of gas and a free dinner. While we ate, we talked about her classes, her plan for the next few years, life in general–we had the kind of conversation you have with a friend. Honestly, it was more like having dinner with a friend.
2.1 Going out to dinner. Now that my children are grown, we don’t have to look for restaurants that serve pizza and burgers. We can go out for Thai food. Or Chinese. Or Mexican. Or whatever we feel like. And everyone will manage find something to their liking.
3. Politics. This is the first year both of my children have been old enough to vote. It’s been so much fun to talk with them about the candidates and the issues and to watch both of them grow into the informed citizens I tried very hard to raise. We’re not supporting the same candidates, but we understand and respect each others’ opinions, and we don’t shy away from the conversation. This is not the sort of family where one needs to avoid political conversation at the dinner table in order to keep the peace, and that makes me very proud.
4. Participation. Even though my son is on Easter break, he helped his father work on a retaining wall we’re building around a tree in the back yard. Over his Spring Break, he helped his dad clean leaves out of the rain gutters before a thunderstorm. As I’ve already mentioned, my daughter provided transportation for her brother this week, saving us the time and effort of making another trip to campus. I’m proud of the fact that my children have grown up to be such responsible adults, participating in family life in a more adult way. It’s true that we reward this behavior, but we do that in the same way you’d offer lunch or dinner to the friend who was helping you out with a difficult task–because that’s the polite thing to do. More importantly, I’m proud that my children understand why participating when you can is the right thing to do, whether or not it’s exactly what you want to do during your Spring Break. They don’t expect to be let off the hook simply because they’re the kids in this family anymore. The huffing and puffing and eye-rolling that might have been their response to these requests five years ago have largely disappeared. If they can’t help out, they tell us why. And we accept that, exactly as we’d accept that explanation from any friend. They’re our kids, but they’re adults in their own right, so everyone’s expectations have to change.
Being a parent has been one of the most frustrating and rewarding parts of my life, but I don’t think I ever anticipated (or appreciated) how much that role would change once my kids turned 18. So far, I have to say that being the parent of adults has brought me far more joy than heartache. I know that isn’t the case for everyone–and I know exactly how lucky I am to be able to say this.
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