In exactly 40 days, Mike and I will be taking our first trip to Antigua. Actually, this will be the first trip we’ve taken together for the simple purpose of having a getaway on our own. We’ve traveled a good deal in 27 years of marriage, but every one of those trips had an ulterior motive: we were visiting friends or family, attending a conference, going to a wedding, taking our kids on an adventure. We couldn’t even afford a honeymoon, back in the dead-broke days of graduate school.
So now that we can afford a honeymoon, we’re going to Antigua. We’re staying at an all-inclusive resort with a reputation for being very quiet and laid back, in addition to being a little rustic. (We’re not 5-star people, but we’re not camp-in-a-yurt people, either.) It’s also known for welcoming couples from around the world. That was important to us; we didn’t want to go somewhere that felt exactly like taking a vacation to the gulf coast. The only real complaint I’ve read about the Galley Bay Resort is that there’s no night life. Perfect.
As much as I’m looking forward to this trip, though, I’m trying to remind myself of all the lessons Mike and I have learned from travel over the years. If you’re going to plan a getaway–whether as a couple or a family–then you have to make an effort to actually get away from your regular life. Otherwise, there’s just no point in taking a trip at all.
Here’s what we’ve learned, through copious trial and error:
Don’t stress out about money. If you can’t afford to take a trip, you shouldn’t take it. You won’t have fun. You’ll worry about every dollar you’re spending and, later on, you’ll regret every dollar you didn’t spend. Either save for the trip and have a good time, commit yourself to spending the money now and paying it back later (sometimes necessary, if it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity), or put off the trip altogether. Part of the point of getting away is to leave behind the worries of everyday life, including worries about money.
And it’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page about this. Mike and I have a running joke about our first trip to Europe together, when we were very young and not very wealthy. One morning, I ordered both coffee and orange juice with breakfast. “You’re having coffee and orange juice?” Mike asked, clearly horrified by this extravagance. I gave him an icy glare. “That’s right,” I said. “I’m the kind of woman who needs coffee and orange juice.” To this day, any time I want to splurge a little bit when we’re away from home, one of us will remind the other what kind of woman I am.
Don’t feel the need to spend every minute together. Chances are, when you’re at home, you like to spend a little bit of time away from your partner or children. That doesn’t change when you go on vacation; I think it becomes all the more important. Taking a trip as a couple or family is very different from traveling alone, of course. You can’t expect to be able to do all the things you’d like. But sometimes, separating from your spouse or family so that you can do something important to you–something that only you will enjoy–allows you to enjoy that time away more fully. Instead of coming back feeling resentful about something you missed out on, you’ll return with wonderful memories and a refreshed spirit.
Give up on the idea of having a schedule. In real life, the clock is always ticking. You have to be at work by a certain time, pick up your kids at a certain time, get to your yoga class at a certain time. The great thing about getting away is that time doesn’t have to mean anything. A huge mistake most people make when they’re on vacation (and I have been guilty of this myself) is to over-schedule every moment, thinking this might be their only chance to see or experience something. But being in a rush is part of real life, which is what you’re getting away from.
So slow down and make fewer choices–or no choices at all. Wake up and see what you feel like doing. Then do those things. Or not. Maybe you’ll change your mind halfway through. That’s okay. No schedule means no pressure. Mike and I have very deliberately made no plans for what we’ll do in Antigua; we’re going to see what sounds fun when we get there. If we end up sitting on the beach and reading books and drinking fruity drinks all week, I will not be disappointed. That in itself will be a huge break from our regular routine.
Eat locally. By which I mean, eat like the people who live in the place you’re visiting. I love food, but I am a far less adventurous eater than Mike. He’ll try pretty much anything. On this trip, I’m pledging myself to try everything I haven’t heard of before.
You can’t get away from real life without letting go of its comforts–and when you’re in a foreign country, I know, sometimes it’s overwhelmingly comforting to see a familiar franchise on a street corner. But try to remind yourself that all those familiar things will still be there when you get back home. Seize the opportunity to get away from your comfort zone. Eat the Evil Princess Chicken.
Make your peace with travel. While I really do love being in new places and seeing new things, the fact is that I hate air travel. I hate the lines and the crowds in airports. I hate the fact that everyone around me is nervous (about making a connection, about making it safely to their destination, etc..) I hate the fact that I have so little control over anything, which is a huge part of the reason why I hate flying itself.
Also, I’m prone to motion sickness. This makes travel of any sort a dicey proposition.
But I know travel is part of the deal, so I’ve learned how to cope with it. I take Dramamine and make sure to have Rescue Remedy in my purse. (I’m a big fan of both the pastilles and the liquid, which disappears tastelessly in a water bottle.) I give myself permission to buy ridiculously overpriced magazines at the airport–I don’t usually have the attention span for a book when I’m flying, though I always take a book along. I remind myself that having no control means having no responsibility: whatever happens, no amount of worry or stress on my part will change it. I remind myself of this a lot.
If you have experience with vacations at an all-inclusive resort, I’d love to hear from you in the comments–in the next month or so, I’ll be trying to figure out how to pack light and still have everything I need. I welcome your advice and suggestions!
1 Comment
Some great advice here. I need to get away! Enjoy your trip.