Making Peace With the F-Word

I have a very clear memory of a conversation I had with a fellow graduate student in my early 20’s. “I totally believe that men and women should be equal,” I said, “but I’m not a feminist.”

“Oh, me either,” my friend said. “Definitely not a feminist.”

I also remember a conversation that took place many years later. I was talking with a colleague–this one a woman who remains my friend today. She was recounting an experience at another university.

“We were talking about this stuff,” she said, “and the woman tells me I’m not a feminist or anything, but I just don’t think women should be paid less than men when we’re all doing the same job.  And I was like, ‘Well, I am a feminist, and I totally agree with you. Because that’s what feminism is about.”

“Absolutely,” I said. “I wish people understood that.”

I remember those two moments because they illustrate my journey toward making peace with the f-word. I was raised to think of feminism as a terrible thing–a crowd of angry, hairy women with nothing better to do than scream at men. But I became a woman who understands that feminism is, quite simply, the belief that men and women are equal.

Not the same. Equal.

Whenever I teach Women’s Studies, I start off by asking my students how many of them identify as feminists. Two or three hands go up, in a good semester. Then I ask:

• Do you believe men and women should be paid the same salary for doing the same job if they have the same education and years of experience?
• Do you believe husbands and wives should share housework equally, if both of them are working outside the home?
• Do you believe that both women and men can be good doctors, lawyers, engineers–basically, that gender has nothing to do with your ability to be good at a particular college major or job?

The majority of my students say Of course. And that’s when I break the news to them: if you believe those things are true, then you’re a feminist.

Few people know that the word feminist was actually coined by a man, French philosopher Charles Fourier–though he didn’t use that word the way we use it today. Fourier believed women shouldn’t be treated as chattel. He did not, however, have anything to say about the full equality of the sexes.

Feminist didn’t fall into popular usage in the United States until the 1960’s, during what we now call the second wave of feminism. (The first wave lost energy after the 19th amendment was ratified.) Prior to the 1960’s, women’s liberationist was the more common term. That’s why you’ll occasionally hear someone refer to “women’s lib,” or refer to feminists as “women’s libbers.”

Because the term feminist came into popular use in the 1960’s, it’s almost always associated with second-wave feminism. But, not surprisingly, most of what we think we know about the “radical” second wave isn’t actually true. Did you know, for instance, that the whole “women burning their bras in protest against the Miss American pageant” never actually happened? And yet the phrase “a bra-burning feminist” (or its abbreviated form, “a bra-burner”) persists. It’s used specifically  to describe a woman who’s a strong supporter of women’s rights.

Why that description? I’ll be writing a whole post about that later, but the short version is this: if we make sure “feminist” calls forward an ugly picture in people’s minds, we never have to worry about women embracing its power.

Because feminism is really powerful. It’s the reason why employment ads no longer stipulate an applicant’s gender. The reason why both men and women can pursue any college degree they want. And it’s the reason why women can hold credit cards in their own name, apply for mortgage loans, and become single parents without the fear of being fired due to “moral turpitude.”

Anytime I see a news item proclaiming the death or irrelevance of feminism–and they show up at least once or twice a year–I feel myself filled with glee. I feel the same way anytime someone says “We need a new word for it. Feminism has so many negative associations. Why not call it humanism?” (Short answer: humanism is already a word. It refers to a belief system that puts emphasis on human behavior, not divine forces. Not at all what we’re talking about, when we talk about feminism.)

I’m filled with glee because this simply proves how very powerful the word is. It’s so powerful that, like Voldemort’s very name in the Harry Potter book series, it must not be spoken.

If feminism actually were irrelevant, we wouldn’t need to keep telling people that. (When was the last time you heard someone mention that the dodo bird is extinct? You probably can’t remember. That’s because the dodo, unlike feminism, is actually gone.) No one would worry so much about its survival if it weren’t for the fact that feminism can change the world. Indeed, it already has.

Change is always scary. It’s the forward edge of unknown territory. But the fact remains that feminism is going to keep doing the work of making the world more equitable. That’s going to happen no matter what you call it or how often you deny its existence.

As for me? I’ll continue to embrace the word as a way of honoring the many women who came before me, making enormous sacrifices. They did that precisely so I can do what I’m doing right now: using my voice to tell other women that nothing they want is beyond the realm of possibility.