To begin, a confession: for many years, I had absolutely no idea how much money Mike and I had in the bank at any given moment. He was happy to manage our finances, and I was happy to let him. All I ever knew, really, was what our average grocery bill looked like, because grocery shopping was usually my job. Beyond that, I had a general idea of some things (like our mortgage payment.) But there were many things about which I knew nothing.
And I didn’t care. Mike started college as an accounting major; I have serious math anxiety. If he was happy to manage the money, I was delighted to let him do that. I trust him completely, so why not?
Well.
When Mike was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, we learned one very big answer to that question. In addition to interfering with muscle control, Parkinson’s also gets in the way of abstract thinking. That includes things like planning ahead and–you guessed it–doing math.
Of all the changes we’ve made in the last year, taking charge of our financial life was the hardest one for me. Admitting that I’d allowed myself to be so irresponsible was really hard. (Confronting my math anxiety was no picnic, either.)
But I approached this in the only way I know how: methodically, through trial and error. I was often frustrated. Rather than let that stop me (as it would have in the past, when I had the option of throwing up my hands and saying “Forget it! I obviously can’t do this!”), I just had to try something else.
And now, almost two years later, I’m really glad I did. Here are the simple steps I followed in setting aside my fear and taking charge of our financial life.
Gather all the necessary information
I started this process by trying to move from general to specific knowledge of our bills. Mike and I sat down together and talked through all our expenses, and then I put together a simple budget using an Excel sheet.
This step actually took several months, because things popped up that we’d forgotten about–like our car insurance bill, which we pay every six months. Whenever that happened, I adjusted the budget again. And eventually, I had a clear picture of how much money we needed to cover our regular bills. Just knowing that number made me feel empowered at a time when much of life felt beyond my control.
Keep track and pay attention
The next step was much harder: figuring out how to keep track of all the money going out of our accounts. That meant tracking spending for both Mike and me, along with some spending by our adult son.
I started off with an old-school method: I asked everyone to put their receipts in a basket that I’d placed on the desk in my home office. Then I’d enter them into that Excel sheet, treating it like a simple check register each month. That worked about 90% of the time, but receipts went missing and people (including me) sometimes forgot about them. So I downloaded the app for our bank and got in the habit of looking at our accounts. That way, I was catching the missing purchases rather than facing unpleasant surprises at the end of the month.
Just paying attention to where our money was going resulted in huge changes. I cancelled automatic billing for some services (like Hulu, which we hardly ever watched.) I also cancelled automatic billing for services that aren’t necessities–things like Amazon Prime. When that bill comes due, we’ll have to acknowledge how much it costs and figure out how (or if) that expense fits into our larger budget.
Join the 21st century
The final step was, by far, the most important. About a year into this process, I downloaded a budgeting app called YNAB (You Need a Budget.) I am a YNAB evangelist, because saying that YNAB has changed my life would not be overstating the case.
The app is simple and intuitive–it’s basically just the old “envelope system” of budgeting, except your envelopes are virtual. Every time we spend money, I enter it into the app and indicate which “envelope” that money should be taken from–Food, Mortgage, Gas, etc. Plus, I can enter receipts as soon as I’ve made a purchase–so no more keeping track of receipts.
The app is so easy to use that I downloaded it on Mike’s phone as well, and although Parkinson’s also makes it difficult to learn new information, he’s been using YNAB to record his own purchases. YNAB has a desktop version, if you’re uncomfortable managing money from your phone, but I love the flexibility the phone app gives me. There’s also an option to link YNAB to your accounts, so purchases are recorded automatically. However, I like doing this manually because–again–it makes me pay attention to where our money is going.
All our accounts are now set up to send me, not Mike, billing reminders and statements. This means I always know what’s coming up. Rather than living in fear of what I might see when I open the banking app, I’m prepared to see deductions and record them in YNAB. (In fact, sometimes I record them before they come through, which makes me feel like I’m ahead of the game.)
I still get anxious when I spend too much time thinking about numbers, but I have to admit that confronting my fear of managing our finances was a really good thing. I’m prepared to take care of myself now, no matter what happens–and that’s a gift I’ve given Mike, as he faces the struggles ahead.
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