If you’ve been reading She Dwells for awhile, you know I traditionally choose a word of the year. I do this for several reasons, but mostly to help myself identify something I’d like to work on. Last year’s word was Focus. I had no idea how much my ability to do just that would be tested in 2019. I learned a lot about what helps me stay on-task and what gets in the way of doing that.
This year, I’m hoping to build on that foundation. My word for 2020 is Today.
I’m constantly asking questions like What needs to get done today? Has anyone checked the mail today? Did you take your meds today? Over and over again, I find myself using that word without even noticing it. But the word today has a huge amount of power, and that power deserves to be recognized.
Today is 24 hours long. And no matter what I do with that time, I’m not going to get it back.
The idea of mindfulness is having a resurgence in popular culture, but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about here. My focus on today has less to do with being present in the moment and more to do with thinking about time differently. That’s a process I began in 2019, without even meaning to.
Last year, in the spirit of staying focused, I bought a physical day planner for the first time in a few years. I divided each day down the middle. On the left, I recorded work-related commitments: classes, meetings, events, etc. On the right, I scheduled in personal commitments: going to the gym, getting a haircut, etc. I did this so I’d be able to see that there actually is time in the day for everything; I just have to identify that time. And then protect it from being encroached on by other commitments.
Not surprisingly, those other commitments usually aren’t mine. They’re the moments when someone asks for my help and I set aside my own plans to make myself available for them. Or when a small crisis arises and I’m called upon to fix it. Or when I’m interrupted mid-task and–instead of asking Can this wait? (which it usually can)–I stop doing whatever I’m doing and shift my attention toward someone else’s needs. Sometimes, that means I don’t get back to my original plan for that time.
This year, I’m committing to thinking about today as something I own. Each day includes 24 hours over which I am completely in charge. That doesn’t mean scheduling my time down to the minute–I’m not so arrogant as to think I have the power to avoid the unexpected. But it does mean thinking differently about what needs to happen today and what I’d like to see happen today.
Going to the gym, for instance. Need? Or preference?
The moment life gets hectic, self-care is the first thing I let go of. I stop making time for the gym, or even for a walk through the neighborhood. I default to easy meals, rather than healthy meals that take a little more preparation and planning. I do this because it’s easier to give my time away than claim it as my own. There’s less guilt involved, for one thing. I rarely feel guilty about giving myself less attention.
Part of the solution to this problem is treating self-care as a need, not a preference. And the fact is, I do need exercise to stay healthy–especially as Mike’s illness continues to progress and I become responsible for taking charge of bigger pieces of our life. I also need time with my family, and time to pursue the activities that feed my spirit–like drawing, crocheting, and writing this blog.
The only way to make sure I get that time is to claim it for myself.
I’m going to continue scheduling my days, just as I did during my year of focus–but I’m going to be looking at those things on the “personal commitments” side of the line as non-negotiable. After all, I don’t look at my meeting schedule and think Yeah, hopefully I’ll have time for that. I just show up wherever I’m expected.
Showing up for myself seems like a pretty good thing to be focused on, today and every day of 2020.
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