This post is the first in a series aimed at parents of new college students. I invite you to read the other posts in this series as well: What Your Student Really Needs for College and 5 Tips for Parenting a New College Student.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that both of my kids are now college graduates. But sometimes it doesn’t seem incredible at all, because I’ve been talking about college with my kids throughout their lives.
I have a very clear memory of my son–still in elementary school–coming home and telling me “My teacher asked how many of the people in our class want to go to college someday. I told her I have to go because that’s the rule in our family. Right?”
I’m pretty never sure Mike and I never said any such thing, but I decided to roll with it.
“Right,” I said. “That’s the rule.”
Because Mike and I are both professors, college was always in the air at our house. We brought home stories of students doing amazing things and stories of students under-performing their obvious intellect. On occasion, we brought home stories of utterly incomprehensible behavior. All of this added up to a built-in education on what makes for a successful college student. My kids weren’t perfect, in that regard, but they avoided a lot of the problems that other students face.
How can you prepare your kid for success in college? By emphasizing these things.
Each course will have a syllabus. You actually need to read it.
A class syllabus is the general plan for a semester in each class. Professors try to anticipate students’ questions and answer them on that syllabus. It can (and probably will) change, but more often than not, the syllabus provides all the basic information a student will need. Encourage your student to read the syllabus carefully and to refer to it often. When your student has a question that isn’t covered by the syllabus, a visit or email to the professor is in order.
Assume that professors actually mean what they say (on the syllabus and elsewhere.)
One of the most debilitating public education policies in Texas is that students are allowed to turn in missing work up to the last day of the grading period. That’s right, teachers have to accept late work. It’s required by law. And this is how I end up with large numbers of students who don’t think I’m serious when I tell them late work gets a zero.
Emphasize to your student that professors make their own course policies. Some universities have a few standard policies–at my school, for instance, student athletes can’t be counted absent for days missed due to travel or competition. But for the most part, policies and penalties will differ widely from class to class. It’s a mistake to assume that, because Professor A accepts late work, Professor B will do the same. No doubt, Professor B has a explicit policy regarding late work. “I didn’t know” is not a valid excuse if this policy is on the course syllabus–which it almost certainly is.
Help is available, but you’ll have to seek it out.
Most first-year students struggle with something: math, writing, science, foreign language. Expectations are higher. Classes move faster. (A year of foreign language in high school is roughly equivalent to one semester of college, for instance.) In high school, you just stay after school and ask the teacher for help. In college, it’s harder to know what you’re supposed to do, since “after school” doesn’t really exist.
But help is always available. Professors have office hours set aside for meeting with students and answering questions. Those office hours are listed–you guessed it–on the syllabus. Most professors will schedule meetings with students who can’t come in during office hours as well. Very few students are responsible enough to take advantage of this help, however, so encourage your student to be one of the few who does. That alone will set your student apart from the crowd.
Another form of help: lecture courses often have supplemental instruction sessions designed specifically to reinforce the material presented in lecture. The session leader is usually a former student who did well in the course. For some students, this kind of help is much less scary than meeting with a professor.
Most universities also offer free tutoring in math and writing. But, again, it’s up to the student to seek out that help.
You won’t be the only one who’s struggling.
The first semester of college is almost always rough. Thanks to those higher expectations, students used to getting A’s with minimal effort in high school may now struggle to earn B’s. Some students are attending a university where they don’t know anyone, which can be very challenging. Others are taking on responsibilities (like doing their own laundry) that they haven’t had to manage before.
Remind your student–and yourself–that even if it looks like the rest of the student body has their act together, everyone struggles to adjust to college. Some people are just better at covering up the struggle. In more than 30 years of teaching, I have yet to meet a first-year college student who hasn’t struggled with something.
Traditional college students–those who are 18 or 19 when they begin their education–typically aren’t great listeners. They’re busy exercising their independence, so they don’t always take in what adults tell them. This is especially true when those adults are their parents.
But the only alternative to talking to your kids is to let them learn through trial and error. (And in college, some of that error is expensive.) So take the risk of being ignored. Maybe you’ll get through. Maybe you’ll do that in time to save your kid–and yourself–some agony.
9 Comments
Saving for later…namely, 3 years from now when my daughter will (likely) be starting college. Also seems like Texas is doing a disservice to students by allowing such a lenient policy in terms of late assignments…that is not how it will work in college, or at a job!
Agreed! That policy made me crazy, and I always insisted that my own kids get their work turned in on time. I didn’t want them to pick up bad habits they would later have to unlearn.
These are amazingly helpful tips. As someone who has taught college level English, I will say that all of these are 100% accurate. It’s also the kind of “stuff” I’ve tried to explain to my high school students who scoff and don’t believe me. Then they go to college and come back and say, “Um, you were right.” 😉
I need to send this to my 15 year old. He will be a high school freshman this upcoming school year and I think everything in this post applies to high schoolers also. I need to save this to fall back on in a few years too.
Great post! I work at our local university and am always fascinated by how clueless some students are (and I mean that in the kindest way possible). I especially like that you mentioned “you won’t be the only one struggling”. It’s so true. It’s so easy for students to get caught up in the “hard parts” of college. Thank you!
Especially for first generation college students, there’s just so much to learn. It can be really overwhelming. (I was first gen myself.) I do my best to be friendly and approachable so students will view me as a resource.
Thanks for sharing! I really need to start focusing on this for my son!
As a late 20’s previous college student, all of this is spot on….espppppecially reading the syllabus LOL! That would have saved me so much time. I’d also just like to add a quick note though – I wish I had been allowed to fail more times. Rather than people stepping in to save me – teachers, parents etc and making exceptions, looking back facing consequences of my being young-and-inexperienced would have prepared me for the workforce much more than being able to retake the quiz etc.
Your kid is a lucky bug to have you as a mom!
Thank you! And I totally agree–that’s one of the reasons I don’t make many exceptions for my students. Part of my job is to help them learn that their behavior has consequences. (I once looked out the window of my classroom just before class started and saw a student sprinting across the parking lot to make it to class on time–he’d learned that I actually meant what I said about late arrivals counting as absences.) Where my own kids are concerned, I took the same approach. They knew what to do, having grown up with two professors, but that doesn’t mean they always did the smart thing. So I had to stand back and let them fail once in a while. That’s the hardest part of parenting.