Things I Hope He Knows

That child you see pictured above? That’s my son, Andrew. He was the easiest baby in the world—he ate, slept, smiled, and he only rarely cried. So you understand why the song I sang to him (over and over and over again) was You are My Sunshine.

Andrew made it his mission in life to live up to that reputation: he’s mostly been a ray of sunshine in my life for the last 18 years. I’d estimate that he makes me laugh at least five times a day.

As he prepares to head off to college later this week, Andrew looks more like this:

Handsome, no? I’m a little biased, but only because I know that he happens to be the sweetest, kindest, most generous soul who ever walked the earth. Which makes him super extra handsome, in my book.

Andrew worked really, really hard to be accepted into an excellent university and secure a very impressive scholarship. To do that, he struggled with some challenges that not every kid faces. I won’t go into detail here, since Andrew is an adult now, and those struggles are part of his story, not mine. I will say that he knows what it means to watch other people work half as hard and reach the same goals. It’s not fair, but it’s life. He learned that early on.

Yet even while I know he’s a very hard worker and a deep-down-good guy, a mom can’t help but worry: Is he ready to take on this complicated world by himself? Did I teach him all the lessons a kid needs to learn before he sets out on his own?

I guess we’ll see. But here’s a list of the things I hope he knows.

1. It’s important to be kind, but you have to protect your heart. You’ll never regret the times you were understanding–but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else. Everyone has to learn where to draw that line. It’s not mean; it’s necessary.
2. On the other hand, try to be kind to the people who aren’t kind to you. Unkind people are just trying to pass along the pain they’re feeling. You don’t have to accept it.
3. Be polite—chew with your mouth closed, say please and thank you, excuse yourself when you bump into someone. You’ll be amazed by the number of people who overlook these basic courtesies, and not being one of those people will set you apart.
4. Don’t make excuses. Do what you want, decline what you don’t, and never let anyone make you feel weird about either choice. But always remember: if you never do anything scary, you’ll live a very small life. (I’m not talking about bungee jumping here. You should always decline an invitation to go bungee jumping.)
5. Being alone is not a problem; it’s an opportunity to do whatever you want. If people don’t understand the benefits of going solo, that’s their problem.
6. Eat real food–mostly things that grow in the ground.
7. Sleep.
8. Vote.
9. Do the small things when they’re supposed to be done. This is the single easiest way to avoid big problems.
10. No one is perfect, so don’t waste time beating yourself up for making mistakes. Learn from them. Come up with a new plan of action. Then move on.